
Kate during her Iraq deployment, 2003-4
by COL Kate Guttormsen (USA, ret.)
Retired Army Colonel Kate Guttormsen joined the Veterans Breakfast Club last year to share her story as the CO of the original Team Lioness, the female soldiers who fought alongside the Marines in the 2004 Ramadi uprising. A graduate of West Point, Kate retired in 2020 after 24 years of service. Below, she reflects on how marriage and motherhood work in the Army.
I grew up in a suburb of Toledo, Ohio. I walked through a cornfield to get to and from high school. Although my father served in the Air Force in Vietnam, I knew nothing of his activities and had no other connections with the military.
In 1989, at age 15, I took a personality test. The kind of test that tells you what types of professions where you’d excel. My results demonstrated I’d be most successful as a truck driver or in the military. Since I grew up an active “tomboy” the thought of sitting in a truck, driving back and forth across the country, didn’t exactly inspire me.
Then, in 1990, our English class was tasked with writing a letter to a servicemember in Panama. It was a graded event. I happened to have a cousin, one I’d never met, serving in the 82nd Airborne (as an Army E4) in Panama. I excitedly wrote him, telling him about myself and the assignment, and slipped the letter in the mail. In return, I received a scathing, nasty note questioning my motivation and informing me of the dangerous military mission he served. He was furious that a selfish, teenage girl, and relative, didn’t express concern for his welfare and mission success.
Instead of scaring me off, the letter intrigued me. I felt drawn to the military and the intense people who served.
At age 17, I visited West Point on a glorious fall weekend during a home football game, and I was hooked. The campus was majestic, the energy was unparalleled, and I knew there was no other place I wanted to attend.
West Point does a tremendous job of breaking people down and rebuilding them into leaders who share the Army values and are ready to serve our nation. Patriotism and selfless service are cadet mantra.

Kate at West Point
West Point was also a pressure cooker with high attrition. The Academy demands success academically, physically, and militarily. Some candidates don’t make it. During my senior year, we had a cadet with one too many infractions. The cadet leadership within our unit held him accountable, and he was dismissed. Shortly thereafter, he took his own life.
Aware that I was struggling, my father sent me a letter which included the Serenity Prayer: “God Grant me the Serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can and the wisdom to know the difference.”
In 1996, I graduated from West Point a proud engineer, second lieutenant and patriot, ready to serve wherever needed. I honed my craft in Korea, Germany, Albania, Kosovo and in the classrooms of then Fort Benning (now Fort Moore) and Fort Leonard Wood. We worked hard and played harder. Many of my peers were single lieutenants and captains, some fellow West Pointers.
Doug caught my attention in Korea. He was confident, competent, and wicked hot.
Since the Army frowns on fraternization between ranks, I admired him from afar.
After I was reassigned to Germany, and while Doug remained in Korea, we started writing letters. I bought my first personal computer so I could email him.

Kate and Doug, 2004, before they were married
Because of our differing Army assignments, Doug and I dated long distance for six years. Long distance meant Germany vs. Jersey and Missouri vs. California. During those six years, the closest we ever got was 140 miles apart: Fort Leavenworth vs. Fort Riley.
Then, I deployed to Iraq with the 1st Engineer Battalion in September 2003. When I returned a year later, we got married. Doug deployed to Iraq with the 70th Engineer Battalion a month later.
“And the Oak and the cypress grow not in each other’s shadows”- The Prophet-On Marriage by Kahlil Gibran. My father read this during our wedding ceremony December 18, 2004.
Our first assignment together was at the National Training Center (NTC) in the Mojave Desert.
When we weren’t striving on the job, we were off exploring Vegas, San Diego, and National Parks. Marriage didn’t change my love of the Army, and I never felt like the Army competed for our time together. We thoroughly loved our time in the desert and felt rewarded helping prepare units for deployment to Iraq. We were each other’s greatest supporters at home and in the workplace.
Journal Entry, November 2006 (NTC Assignment)
“Today I felt helpless-for a short while. My HMMWV (Humvee) broke down in the desert and I was stuck. Couldn’t figure out the issue and why it wouldn’t start and knew it was going to slow down my day and I’d be playing catchup with my team late into the evening. After getting through to Doug on our OC radio he was able to get away from his team and come check on me. He looked under the hood of the truck, looked at me . . . told me to turn around and took a bobby pin out of hair under my Kevlar and jerry-rigged something under the hood of the truck and guess what? . . . He fixed it. Ahhhhhh . . . he’s always got my 6.”
During our careers we took turns taking the back seat to one another. I switched career fields so we wouldn’t compete for similar assignments in the Engineer Branch. Doug accepted any position the Army offered him on a couple of occasions when I was offered super positions, and I did the same for him.
Although we always competed for that next position or command, we tried to make the most of every assignment, both professionally and personally, and we said we would stay in the Army as long as the Army could keep us together.
Once married, we were enrolled in what the Army calls the “Married Army Couples Program (MACP).”
In Army language, the MACP “provides Soldiers the opportunity to establish a joint domicile (JD) while fulfilling the Army’s mission.”
This means that while you may not get the job or location you both want, the Army will do its best to keep you together. Sometimes it works, sometimes not.
One time it didn’t was when we learned we were pregnant. Our two years at the NTC was coming to an end, so we asked the Army to send us anywhere near the East Coast to be close to family.
The Army sent us to Hawaii. There we arrived in the summer of 2008 with two dogs, two cats and me seven-months pregnant.
Within 48 hours of our arrival in paradise, the senior public affairs officer called and informed me that I was being diverted to Special Operations Command-Pacific (SOCPAC).
I didn’t know anything about Special Ops and its special culture. I felt doomed.
But the command was supportive, and, in fact, the commanding general called me at the hospital while I was in labor to check on me.
Maternity leave in 2008 was only six weeks (expanded to 12 weeks this year). Our parents took turns coming to Hawaii to assist in caring for Will, our new baby, after that. They also came when Doug deployed to Iraq in 2009-2010.
In February 2010, after Doug returned from deployment, I got word I was heading to Iraq again. We were trying to get pregnant and not having much luck, so the thought of a yearlong deployment away from the family was devastating.
And I was getting older. During my first pregnancy, I was regarded by medical staff as a geriatric mom or “Advanced Maternal Age (AMA)” in Army lingo. Now, two years later, I must be “Double Advanced” in age.
I wanted to grow our family, and the Army was getting in the way. I thought of quitting.
Journal Entry, February 2010
“I hit a low point today. Doug and I went out to celebrate Valentines and I had a meltdown. Foreign military sales in Iraq…..WTF?! It’s a dwell time [time between deployments] issue and nothing else. I get it. It’s hard to get pregnant when you aren’t sharing the same bed! We’ve been trying to grow a family and a year (two) apart will only slow it down or prevent it from happening the way we’d like it to happen. I also can’t imagine leaving Doug and Will now. He’s so little and Doug is so busy in command. Maybe it’s time to stop…..after 14 years-ugh….”
A couple of days later, the United States Embassy staff in Baghdad was reduced, and my orders were rescinded. It wasn’t long before I learned I was pregnant…
Journal Entry, November 26, 2012
Today at I received a phone call from the Pentagon. She said, “Hi! You’ve been selected to do an interview to become a Special Assistant to the Chief.” “What Chief?” I asked. She said, “General Odierno”. My response was, “Oh, that’s nice! I’m having a baby tomorrow!” She laughed and said, “Wow! Well-that isn’t in your file!” She asked me if I’d still consider interviewing.
Doug and our brand-new baby sat in the car outside command headquarters while I did the interview squeezed into my Class A uniform so I could make a good first impression.
I was selected for the job, and we moved to Washington, DC, in March of 2013.
Part of my job at the Pentagon was supporting the spouse training at the General Officer’s courses. I remember when LTG Horoho’s husband (Col Retired Horoho) spoke to an audience of mostly general officer wives, and they asked about work-life balance.

Kate with husband Doug and children while both were stationed in Hawaii
“There isn’t any balance,” said the Colonel. “It was about trade-offs. Sometimes in a relationship your spouse comes first, sometimes, it’s the kids, sometimes it’s the job, and sometimes it’s the dog. If you are OK with that, communicate well and share the priorities, you’ll get through it. When you aren’t ok with not being the priority at times in the relationship then something must change.” He also emphasized being proactive rather than simply reacting to events.
Four years later came another trying time. The Army proposed that Doug take an assignment in Memphis, TN and for me to take Public Affairs at 101st Airborne at Fort Campbell, KY, 215 miles away. We had two young children.
My boss, Chief of Staff of the Army, had to intervene to remedy the situation.
Doug took command of the Corps of Engineers Kansas City District, and I got a position at nearby Fort Leavenworth. This was superb. We could easily share a household.
But there was a hitch. Before Leavenworth, I would have to complete a deployment to Afghanistan. My next thought was how the heck are we going to do command, a deployment and a move simultaneously?
We considered quitting. Once again, our mothers came through and agreed to help care for our children while I was away.
Motherhood had changed me. I was more risk adverse, less “gung-ho.”
The thought of leaving my kids made me physically sick. Before kids, I didn’t fear dying in a war zone. After becoming a mom, I did. I worried about what might happen to them if I didn’t come home.
Journal Entry, August 18, 2016.
I’m sitting at manifest getting ready to head to Afghanistan reflecting on my departure from home. Went to school in uniform prior to heading to the airport to say goodbye to Will. That last hug and kiss knocked the wind out of me. I could barely get any words out when I was kindly asking the staff to take good care of him while I was away. Then Doug, Gaby [our younger child], mom and I headed to the airport. Taking Gaby to the airport for my departure was a HUGE mistake for all of us. Lesson learned. It is terrifyingly agonizing for me to leave the kids. Doug will be fine – he gets it. We’ve both been on both ends of deployments before. Being the one who goes to war is easier than being the one left behind. My only concern about this adventure is for them . . .
The next 12 months were the most challenging of our lives. Doug was at a high-level command, and I was in Afghanistan, away from my children, ages 3 and 7. It was mentally and physically exhausting.
During this time, my dad’s health declined from Agent Orange-linked Parkinson’s. My mom had to choose between being with him and the grandkids. I thought back to Colonel Horoho’s speech about tradeoffs and being proactive. I knew something had to change.
After 28 and 24 years of Army service respectively, Doug and I decided to retire from the Army. We wanted to depart on our own terms, not the Army’s. We both loved the Army and the Army way of life. But it was time.
Journal Entry September 30th, 2020
Retirement Day
We did it! Both retired. During COVID, in an intimate acknowledgement to my service, Doug, Dad, Mom & kids got dressed up and honored the event in the sunroom of our home late in the evening. Doug talked about when we met, how I loved the Army and “juggled” Patriotism, Marriage and Motherhood. At the end of his speech, Dad – who is now significantly suffering from Parkinson’s and dementia – told Doug how proud he was of him, us, and how his remarks were spot on. Perfect night I’ll never forget.