by MSG Roy Lewis (USA, ret.)

VBC member and Army veteran Roy Lewis recently joined us on our Monday night virtual “Open Conversation” and shared bits and pieces of his 36-year Army career. While deployed to Iraq as part of The Surge of 2007, Roy kept a faithful diary of everything he experienced. We’ve selected excerpts below. Today, Roy lives in Charlotte, North Carolina, and speaks widely on leadership. He’s the author of Broken Things: Moving Beyond the Pain of Brokenness and can be contacted through his website www.speaksgtroy.com.

Roy says this about his Army career:

“I grew up in New York and enlisted in the Army in 1982. My MOS was 76P10 Material Control and Accounting Specialist. It’s a pretty way to say ‘supply’.

I went to Quartermaster School at Fort Lee, Virginia [now Fort Greg-Adams] and then was assigned to the 118 Ordnance Detachment under the 11th Brigade at Fort Bliss, Texas.

I left active duty in 1986 and enlisted in the National Guard. I was a member of three state programs: Massachusetts, South Carolina, and North Carolina.

In 1999, I transferred to the Army Reserve and attended the US Army Drill Sergeant Academy at Fort Jackson, South Carolina. It was the greatest challenge of my Army career. Drill instructor training requires more of a soldier than almost any other job.

I became an certified Army Drill Sergeant at age 40 and started training initial entry soldiers with the 321st Regiment under the 108th Division at Fort Jackson.

In 2006, my entire division was called up as part of The Surge to train the Iraqi army in Baghdad. I served alongside a Captain as the Logistics Liaison in an 11-man Special Operations team.

I returned to the United States in 2007 and served in various roles before retiring as a Sergeant Major in 2019 after 36 years of service.”

My Iraqi Journal

5 January 07

We arrived in Kuwait City at about 11:45 p.m. on January 4th. I am totally exhausted from traveling. It took two days to get here. I couldn’t sleep on the plane. Before I left Kansas I called home to my wife and kids and told them that I loved them.

13 January 07

We arrived in Iraq. The weather here is not much different than in Kuwait. My team and I are waiting in the Baghdad airport for our helicopter (I’ve never ridden one) to our next training facility. There are a lot of palm trees within the city. Baghdad has a certain beauty to it. In the distance, I hear mortar rounds landing.

22 January 07

Downtown Baghdad is just outside the gate. I haven’t been down there yet but I know it’s coming. This camp is located in one of Sadaam’s palaces. This complex is beautiful. Sadaam really hid the goods from the people. There is a lake that runs throughout the complex. There are a couple of small beach houses located around the lake where he entertained guests. There is a mosque where the artwork on it is simply beautiful. The roads that run through the complex are lined with palm trees. It’s a paradise in my opinion.

30 January 07

My team and I headed out this morning to meet the Iraqi National Police personnel. Unbeknownst to me, I was asked to ride in the gunner position. I’ve trained only a little in this position but this time we were headed towards downtown Baghdad. With all of my equipment on it’s really a chore to maneuver myself in and out of that hatch. I had to lock and load my machine gun as we left the camp. As we made our way downtown it was the worst thing that I have ever seen. People were living in areas that were cluttered with rubble and trash. Even though some of the buildings had remnants of the past on them that once made this city great, this place is devastated. I couldn’t allow myself to get caught up in the scenery because I had to stay alert at my post. For the first time in 23 years of service, this was the real deal here.

24 February 07

We are traveling back out to meet with our Iraqi counterparts. As we are driving I hear the radio calls that are coming in from other units that are moving throughout the city. One call tells of a person that was found shot in the head and then burned. In our training, they tell us that we have to be careful when going near a dead corpse. It can have an IED (improvised explosive device) attached to it. Another call comes in reporting of a car bomb that just exploded in a marketplace. What I am hearing is unbelievable.

4 March 07

It was a beautiful sunny day. We had to go on a patrol in this prominent Sunni neighborhood. Instantly I noticed the difference between a Shia versus Sunni neighborhood. The Sunni are the class that is educated and have better-paying jobs. The Shia are the class that has low-paying jobs and most can’t read or write. With my four member team we walked on foot through this neighborhood searching for illegal weapons.

There was one house we went into that totally surprised me. The owner escorted us in. He showed us his living room then led us to another room where he had pulled back a curtain and to my surprise, it was a scenic picture of the New York City skyline with the World Trade Center right in the middle. With the help of an interpreter, I asked the man why he had this picture in his room. He explained he bought it in the marketplace and that he loved the beauty in that picture.

11 March 07

Another day on patrol through a Shia neighborhood with a patrol of Iraqi National policemen. We came to this one house in which the people were home. The Iraqi man, along with his wife, mother, and young children were inside. The soldiers searched his home and found nothing. As we were leaving I was standing just outside the door watching the soldiers leave. I noticed the man’s little daughter staring at me. She seemed to be about ten years old. The look on her face puzzled me. It was a cross between confusion and fear. I gave her a friendly wave and a smile but she didn’t change her expression. I guess I would be scared too. This big 6’ 2 black man, with body armor, Oakley sunglasses, carrying a pistol and an M-16 with a grenade launcher attached to it would scare the hell out of me.

28 March 07

I heard on the news that there has been some retaliation between the Shia and Sunni. I can’t help feeling that I am standing right in the middle of a domestic dispute. I am trying to keep my optimism up about all of this but I can’t help feeling that I am fighting a lost cause.

1 April 07

Yesterday was a bad day. We were patrolling in a neighborhood and we were just leaving a house when all of a sudden shots rang out. My partner and I took cover in the courtyard of the house. I couldn’t believe it. I was pinned down by bullets that were passing over my head. It’s true when they say that in those moments you think about what’s more important to you. I was thinking about my wife and kids. I could feel my body press up against the wall as more bullets passed overhead. Some Iraqi soldiers came through the gate into the courtyard where we were seeking the same protection. I looked at their faces and some of them seemed to not be bothered by it. I guess when you live in a place like this it is a daily occurrence around here.

2 April 07

Today was a more peaceful day. If Iraq wasn’t in a state of war I would love to come here for a visit. Just about every street is lined with palm trees. Orange trees can be found in some of the people’s yards. I like the basic setup of an Iraqi house. Just about every house has a fenced-off courtyard. I like the idea of that because the owner can lock that front gate for the evening. When you open the gate and go inside the yard you will find in most cases a nicely landscaped yard with some grass and shrubbery. There is nice lawn furniture and the driveway for the car is also within the courtyard as well.

16 April 07

We are at the station today. I sat with one of our interpreters, let’s just call him Steven. We were sitting in our sleeping area and I asked him what the future held for him in Iraq. He said “Iraq has a long way to go. It will take at least another 25 years until Iraq is changed. I hope to come to America with my family. It is not safe here.” Steven used to be an accountant. He is a 32-year-old Iraqi man who is married with two children. He travels with us as one of the four interpreters that we have on our staff. Of the four he strikes me as being very mature and professional in his work for us. His dark olive skin and well-trimmed beard mixed with his controlled and calm nature make him likable. I feel sorry for him because he deserves a life for his family in a country that is safe.

26 April 07

My attitude is changing every day about this mission. I was told that we are to be advisors to the Iraqi National Police but instead what I see is that we are going on endless missions with these guys. It is starting to look like we are providing protection for them as they do their missions. Some of them have to be watched because we have had problems with some of the soldiers stealing personal belongings out of the houses. Truthfully I haven’t trained any soldiers nor have I taught any classes. I’m beginning to feel like a real ‘infantry’ soldier.

2 May 07

Out on a mission today. I was in third position in the convoy today. That means I can throw candy at the kids today. We have to be careful to throw the candy from our rear vehicle because these children will literally jump out into oncoming traffic for a piece of candy. My favorite place to throw candy is in poor neighborhoods. The children there live in an area that is surrounded by bombed-out houses and trash piles everywhere. It is amazing what is used to make a house. Some of the houses are made out of collected bricks from other houses. There is no running water but you can bet you will see a satellite dish on top of it. In some yards, there are goats or sheep. A donkey can be found hitched to a cart for transportation. In America, our poorest people don’t live like this. These people have my compassion.I can see some kids coming up in the distance. I have a fist full of candy ready to throw at them.

9 May 07

Well our vehicle is in for repairs. It is amazing how the maintenance shops here can get a vehicle up and running just about overnight. I can tell that the guys are so relieved that we are not going out today. We went back down to the shop to take a better look at the vehicle. Some of the scrap metal went completely through the trunk of the truck. It is amazing because as we travel the streets of Baghdad it is difficult to spot the person or persons who trigger the explosion. It’s just as frustrating. I heard a story the other day that a convoy was traveling down one of the roads in Baghdad. An insurgent inside a car threw a grenade out the window attempting to cripple one of the vehicles. The grenade did nothing but flatten the tire of the vehicle. It still managed to kill a small group of young girls en route to their school. We play by the rules but the enemy doesn’t have to.

10 May 07

We got hit again. It was the same vehicle too. We were almost back at base camp when the explosion happened. When I heard it I was in the gunner’s hatch. It was then we slowed down and let the vehicle that got hit come around in front of us. As they passed us on the right I heard our driver say “damn.” I turned and saw that the trunk hatch door was completely blown off. The right side tire was just hanging barely on the rim. Part of our mission is to move out of the ‘kill zone’ quickly as soon as possible. The destroyed vehicle under our protection made it back to base camp. We pulled up to the maintenance shop and the mechanics couldn’t believe that the vehicle that they just worked on two days ago was damaged againIt just feels like I’m part of some silly sick game in which I have no idea how to play.

16 May 07

I heard a few days ago about the three soldiers missing here in Baghdad. My wife had a scare four days ago when some unit somewhere in Tennessee called her. She wasn’t home at the time. So she returned their message and when their voice mail picked up it was a medical unit. She panicked because she thought they were trying to contact her to tell her if I was injured or killed. So no one picked up the phone. It wasn’t until I got online on my computer that she was able to relax to find out that I was okay. So I just can imagine what these soldiers’ families are going through right now.

17 May 07

Today I’m riding in the gunner’s hatch. From here I have a bird’s eye view of the entire street. I noticed two little girls, about eight years old, holding hands walking down the street. As they walked towards our vehicle they both smiled and waved at me and my driver who was eating some pop tarts as they passed by. “It’s a shame that these kids have to live through this,” was his comment to me. These kids are no different from kids in the United States. I look down the other end of the street and see another young girl carrying a bag of bread –I love Iraqi bread– she brought from the market. It’s then that I hear shots ring out in the distance. I spin my hatch around to the side to see if anyone is shooting. My eyes fall back on the young girl who now is running to her house which is next to our truck. She opens the gate and goes inside to safety. It couldn’t have been more than ten minutes later before she came back outside and headed down the street to run another errand for her mother.

19 May 07

Minor irritations are setting in amongst the team. I catch myself getting annoyed by certain people. As for me, I have my faith that keeps me in check but the other guys are really trying to keep the peace. I know that since Kansas we have been together as a team for about 8 and ½ months. The personalities of all of us are different. I guess with the ever-increasing surge in violence here in Baghdad, everyone is dealing with it the best that they can.

23 May 07

Today I received a package along with a letter from my Dad. I want everyone to know that I consider my Dad to be one of my heroes. With a 5th-grade education, my Dad and my Mom raised six children. My Dad did, later on, go on to get his GED. When he writes a letter he still writes in print letters but as I read his letter I became encouraged by his simple words. In my box, I got tons of beef jerky. What I get from this is his expression of care for me.

25 May 07

The violence is picking up in the city. I hear more mortar attacks than usual from our camp. What scares me is that I am becoming so accustomed to it.

2 June 07

We are back here at this abandoned house that will be our new station. We are staying out here for two hot grueling nights. There is an infantry company that is living out here full-time. I can tell that they are starved for any type of conversation from the outside. I have met several of the soldiers and already I know their backgrounds, where they are from, marital status, and why they came to join the army. They are the ones that need our sympathy. These guys go on walking patrols in the neighborhoods, come back, sleep, eat, and then head back out on patrol. They are all so young. The average age is about 18 to 20 years of age. I really admire these guys handling such responsibility at such a young age.

18 June 07

Tragedy struck today. Another unit was attacked by an RPG (rocket-propelled grenade) fire. Sadly a sergeant was hit in his vehicle and lost both of his legs. When my team hears news like this there is a somber attitude amongst the group. I can tell that the news numbs us into some kind of silence. The fear has been replaced by quiet anger.

25 June 07

My leave is in two months. I’ve talked with some of my teammates about their feelings when they finally arrive back home. Many said that they felt like visitors in their own homes. They said that their wives had such a handle on things they felt they were more in the way than anything else. One good thing I hear is that the American people are meeting the soldiers at the airport and cheering them as they arrive home. Every soldier that I talked to said that this outpouring of support has made them feel welcomed. I’m glad to hear that. I couldn’t have imagined what it was like for the soldiers that went to war in Vietnam.

2 July 07

Today is a sad day for me. It just happened ten minutes ago. An American soldier has been killed while on patrol. He was shot in the head and died immediately. I can’t give out the details of his name or where he is from. It bothers me that this young man will never return home to his family. He served here in one of the platoons we are working with. He was no more than 21 years of age. He and his team were doing a patrol in one of the Iraqi neighborhoods nearby when all of a sudden we heard gunshots ring out.

4 July 07

Independence Day. We have to be extra careful because the insurgents know that this is a special day for us which we celebrate no matter where we are. While writing these few lines I’ve  heard a couple of gunshots ring out. My heart goes out to the Iraqis that are working for us. They don’t want to have anything to do with this country that they once called home. Our interpreter Bob wants to give his son and two daughters a future. I can’t hate a man for wanting to give his family a better life.

19 July 07

This is the week in which our new chief has decided to implement his intense patrol schedule on us. So far we have done at least three to four  patrols a day. Everyone believes that our focus as advisors has drastically changed. We have gone from training and mentoring the National Police staff to basically executing patrols that give the appearance that the Iraqis are leading them. The Iraqi Police here are so hesitant about patrolling their own streets. They ask so much from us in the areas of food, equipment, and support with our weapons. There is a wave of growing anger that is slowly burning inside all of us.

23 July 07

We have a new interpreter. Let’s just call him Jack. Jack is from Sudan. Jack’s bunk is right next to mine. He is a dark-skinned, older man, about 50-years-old with a small frame. He rolls over on his bunk and says to me “Sgt. Lewis, we must talk sometime. I try not to disturb you when you have your headphones on.” I replied, “Of course you’re not bothering me. I just like to keep myself busy.” “Sergeant Lewis, I want you to tell me about the man named Martin Luther King.” I was so honored when he asked me this. I asked myself, “Where do I start?” How can I pack 50 years of history into a 30-minute conversation about the man Martin Luther King? So I proceeded to tell him about the greatest civil rights leader the world has ever known. After that, Jack and I talked for another two hours. I explained to him how blacks in America didn’t know a lot about their family histories due to the injustice of slavery. He told me that he could trace his family roots back at least ten generations. He was shocked to know that most black families in America can only go back two or three generations. I was drawn to Jack’s history as well. He told me the history of his country and that he was one of eighteen children. We had a great time comparing his life in Sudan versus my life in the United States. One thing that I am learning over here is that we as the human race are really not so different from one another.

5 August 07

As I’ve stated before we are pushing a heavy patrol schedule with the Iraqi National Police. We are staying longer at the station than usual. There is a growing mistrust between American and Iraqi forces here. I was surprised to hear that the Iraqis do not like to be told what to do. I have noticed signs of passive-aggressive behavior when they don’t want to do something. They will show up late to patrols or they will not come at all.

8 August 07

We were out today doing a ‘goodwill’ meet and greet with the Iraqi people. My team got a bunch of soccer balls, toys, and candy to hand out to the children. One of my teammates was out of the truck and he was handing out soccer balls to the children. He was surrounded by at least 50 kids all wanting a ball. When he exhausted his supply of balls the children indicated they wanted candy. With the assistance of an interpreter, he got the children to go back to my truck. My teammate said to the children, “I don’t have any candy but I know a certain individual who always has candy on him. Go back there and just shout ‘Big Lew.’”  I was sitting up in the turret watching my sector when I heard my name being called. “Big Lew. Big Lew.” I stood up and saw about 20 children smiling and waving at me. I thought that was the coolest thing having those Iraqi children shout out my name. I would have preferred the shouts of ‘Sgt. Roy’ but hey at least in Baghdad they know who I am.

27 August 07

I found out  today that I am being promoted from Sergeant First Class to Master/First Sergeant. The news is music to my ears. When I retire, I want my rank to be that of a Master/First Sergeant. I know much more will be required of me now. I welcome it.

7 October 07

We arrived at our training site with the Iraqi National Police today. I was worried because we would be traveling about 150 miles outside Baghdad in a 70-vehicle convoy. The threat level increases with such a display of soldiers and equipment traveling down the road. What also worried me was that we would be crossing bridges over bodies of water. This trip took about four hours. I made a joke saying, “Can we stop at the rest stop and get lunch?”

13 October 07

The training here is mandatory for all police units. I teach a class on the AK-47 rifle. I can tell without a doubt that half of these guys sitting here watching me teach are in no way interested in what I am saying to them. I have been a drill sergeant for eight years and I know what potential soldiers look like. The array of men here ranges from a kid who tells me he’s 21 years of age but looks like he is 17 instead; to the guy who looks like he is in his fifties, overweight, and grandfather of three. The unemployment is so bad here that any man would be forced to take up a position with the police, army or in my case, the National Police. The problem that I have with that is that we get people who are here only for a paycheck. Their commitment level is very low.

28 October 07

A case of sadness hit me this morning. It dawns on me that relationships I have formed with some of these Iraqi men are slowly coming to an end. There are about ten people here that I am good friends with. Some are officers, interpreters, policemen; a few are mechanics, and one is the guy who makes our chai tea. They all know that my time here is drawing to a close. My interpreter turns and asks me, “Lewis, will I see you again?” I look at him and all I can say is, “Hey friends are made forever. I will always carry you in my heart.” The phrase ‘in my heart’ is an Iraqi term that is said when an Iraqi man respects another.

6 November 07

It is just under 45 days until I go home. There are several larger units here in our camp that are preparing to go home as well. You can tell the ones that are going home. They are the soldiers that have a little more pep in their step. There are other signs as well. The post office has a long line of soldiers shipping their entire personal items home. Since I’ve returned there are so many new faces in the mess hall. The new units are here to replace the units that are leaving. For some of us who have been here almost a year, there is a sense that we are old veterans now. Our faces are tanned and weathered as compared to the fresh faces of all the new people who are coming in.

13 November 07

There has been talk that we are going on a mission with our National Police to occupy a new sector. I heard that this sector is very dangerous and because our battalion just completed training we will be pushed into this new sector. My team is surprised by the news since we have only four weeks until we turn our equipment over to the next team and fly back home. I am really angry but I don’t know whom to get mad at.

14 November 07

The sun is starting to set around 5 p.m. and all the training teams including mine are now in a convoy formation ready to head out the gate. I am really nervous not because we are traveling at night but because the vehicle that I will be riding in is the last vehicle and I am the rear gunner. I will be responsible for the rear security of the convoy. We head out the gate after we are briefed by our colonel. In just a matter of minutes, the lights of Baghdad grow dimmer and fade into the night. The estimated time for this trip is four hours. This will do a number on my butt because I ride on a bench seat that holds me up in the turret of the truck. The cold wind is blowing behind me but I am protected by a fiberglass shield. As we travel through each little town there are no highway lights. It is easy to see that residents are fortunate to own a generator to supply their electrical needs. It was about 11:30 p.m. when we saw the lights of the city that we were to occupy with our police battalion. We made our way through the outskirts of the city. A long road led us through a series of security checkpoints. We made it. Riding for four hours with my senses on red alert has taken its toll on me. I am exhausted.

15 November 07

We awake to find the camp alive with military personnel from at least ten countries. I went to the mess hall for breakfast and saw soldiers from Poland, Bosnia, Romania, British, Uganda, Armenia, and Mongolia. This is amazing. So many nations work here. I feel like I am at the Olympics. The only thing that is funny is that everyone is afraid to talk to each other because of the language barrier.

6 December 07

Today was my last time outside the wire. We went to visit the sector where our replacements will be working. It is very dangerous. From what I have been told it has a lot of JAM (Jaysh Al Mahdi Militia) influence in it. I couldn’t believe this would be the last time I would ever see these streets. I wish these people well. They have so much to do if they want to become a self-reliant nation.

15 December 07

We landed yesterday morning in Kuwait at 8:05 a.m. It is official; I am out of the country of Iraq. No more rockets, IEDs (improvised explosive devices), or patrols. We will sit here for two days and prepare to go through customs for our flight back to Fort Riley, Kansas.

19 December 07

We arrived at Fort Riley, Kansas. We are seated in an assembly area on some  bleachers. The supervisor of the group introduced himself. “Guys, welcome back home. We are going to work extra hard to get you home before the Christmas holiday. We are going to need your full cooperation to make this happen.”

1 January 08

I am sitting in the kitchen of my house in my favorite chair that faces the backyard, watching the different birds enjoy the food in the bird feeder. My mind is drifting back to Iraq where I left  my friends just a week ago. Thoughts about their safety and new mission still consume me.

My tour is done. I have written about the people, places, and situations that I faced in Iraq. I am so grateful for the support of my family and friends. The experience has changed my life forever. Thank you all for sending care packages, cards, and emails to me. So it is with gratitude I close that chapter of my life to begin another one. I look up from my computer one more time to take in the view from my kitchen window. This brings me such peace and inspires me to finally say, “I’m home now.”